Category: Uncategorized

First, to the first point of that headline: I wrote today’s Sunday Special for Sam Greenwood’s Punt of the Day blog, and you can read it now here.

Anyway, it’s Sunday, and while I’m getting back on the horse soon for some tournaments, I wanted to quickly write up something both for my POTD guest article and to review my own play of late. It’s been a mess.

My horrible session that I wrote about last weekend was followed with an equally bad session on Sunday in terms of results, but even worse, it really got to my mindset. I started playing pretty badly and desperately forcing the action in a few spots. I ran into one of the worst feelings you can have as a tournament player, the belief that, actually, I couldn’t win any of these tournaments. I believe I can win any time I play, or I don’t play, but I was playing so badly that I lost that belief.

So I quit and took a few days off to reset my mindset.

Then when I played again Friday, I didn’t lose as much but ran just horrifically bad once again. Probably the emblematic hand here:

An $11 bounty, early on. A bad loose-player open limps from the hijack off 75BB. I (47BB) am in the cutoff with AcTc and raise to 3bb. The small blind (27BB) 3-bets to 10.5bb. The hijack cold calls. That’s a worrying size from the SB, but I decide my hand’s nut potential, plus the bounty potential from the small stack, plus the change that I double through HJ, who is certainly much too wide here, make this worth taking the variance of calling and going to the flop.

Flop (33.5BB): As 5s 5d. It checks to me, I bet 15% pot (5BB). SB folds, HJ calls.

Turn (43.5BB): Td. HJ checks. I decide that I now beat all the other Ax hands (except A5) and might get called by them drawing to three outs (or none), plus the two fives to chop, make it a good spot to shove for value. I shove for my last 31.5BB, about 72% pot. HJ tanks and calls with… QcJs.

River (106.5BB): Kd. HJ wins with a straight.

Villain makes the wrong decision at every decision point, I get in a 100BB pot with him drawing to four outs with one to come, and he wins. That kind of day.

So I find myself torn. On the one hand, one of the best ways to not let a bad beat affect you is to just get back on the horse. On the other hand, if I’m losing my mental focus and control and starting to tilt, then I don’t want to play under those conditions. But more importantly, if I want to put in the volume I want to put in, I’m not gonna do it if I have to take long breaks every time I hit a downswing.

So I’m continuing to work on both keeping my mental game strong and making more time to actually put in the grind at the tables. Both of these will require some changes of habit and adjustments to mindset. My schedule isn’t allowing me for enough time to get things done in the morning before playing and I want to change that. Especially since some kind of physical activity, even on the lighter side like walking, before playing helps me a lot mentally. Getting up earlier will also give me more time to work on other things, like this website and the podcast, before playing.

So, the journey continues. It’s been a tough month, but I’m not giving up yet. And I’m hoping this week I can nail down some of the scheduling for the podcast and actually get that up and running, and hopefully with your support turn it into something high-quality and meaningful that’s worth watching or listening to.

‘Til next time.

So… I’ve been saying for a while that we were getting close to getting set up, but personal things kept getting in the way. Well, that was partially true for a while: I probably could have gotten the ball rolling sooner, but everyday responsibilities took some time, but I was also thwarted by my own fear and anxiety about whether I could even get this project off the ground or if it would fail to launch.

Mental health can be a bitch, huh?

Now that I’ve said that… I’ve made some strides to actually get closer to getting the project underway. I’ve even started lining up some guests for Cards Speak (and if you know poker, they will be some good ones you will recognize). Unfortunately, this week and next, I actually have (and have had) some serious personal and family matters to attend to. I’ve had a couple of deaths in the family recently, and, well, to be starkly honest, the grief from that has exacerbated some of my existing mental health problems, and that’s caused or perhaps brought to light some problems at home I needed to address… and unfortunately, again, while I’ve been trying to better address my mental health, it can be a bit of trial and error, and at the moment I’m not dealing with things very well.

But, having said all that, it is true that I’m underway getting the show set up. Hopefully once this dark fuckin’ period passes, I will be able to announce something definite about when Cards Speak will premiere.

And, as always, sign up to the Patreon, please, to support the project and to be able to participate with features like audience questions and offer feedback about what you want to see.